


Filming of Piano Rag

by ReggieJackson



Series: Lights, Camera, Cut!!! [3]
Category: Animaniacs
Genre: Cartoon Physics, Comedy, Filming, Humor, Mild Language, Mistakes, bloopers, cartoon violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-03-22
Packaged: 2019-11-27 20:41:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,135
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18199076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReggieJackson/pseuds/ReggieJackson
Summary: Another addition to the "Light's Camera, Cut!" SeriesWhen the Warners are on camera, they may make it look easy, But sometimes even the simplest of cartoon shorts can come out of the most chaotic situations. Warning: brief mature themes and language.





	1. Fortune Cookie Says...

"Piano Rag"

Spring of 1993

"...Alright, you all know what to do right?" said Mike the director. He always held a last-minute meeting with the cast shortly before filming. Six of the cast members in front of him nodded their heads with approval. One half of them, the Warners, were eagerly hopping in place, waiting for him to start filming already. Tonight was a very exciting night for them. The shooting for the current episode "Piano Rag" would be the very first time they did a short  _off_  studio grounds. After filming a good couple of episodes within the studio walls, branching outside was a welcome change. Granted it was at a local theater just a few blocks away, but it was a good start.

"Exsqueze me, Mr director" The eldest Warner tapped Mike's pant leg.

"Yes, Yakko?"

"What's that supposed to be?" He pointed to the local theater that was being used for the shooting. Its facade was temporarily remodeled to look like Carnegie Hall.

"The Carnegie"

"But the Carnegie is in New York" Wakko stated matter of factly. Mike looked at the theater and back at him with a blank stare.

"Yeah so?" the director replied. Dot slapped a hand to her head.

"So… why aren't we filming it  _there_?" She asked irritably. Mike sighed and bent down to their height.

"Guys, Plotz  _really_  doesn't want you off studio grounds, you really think he'd want you in New York?" The Warners pondered this for a moment. It  _had_  been just a few months since they escaped from their water tower and got a new show. And Mr. Plotz  _was_  still little uneasy about them.

"Good point. He'd definitely save on air fare…" Yakko answered.

"Right, so if you want to be able to get out more often, keep the zaniness down a bit. Okay?"

"Okay, but remember…" Yakko embraced his siblings with an arm around each of their shoulders. Each sibling beamed bright toothy grins. "Were habitual misbehave-rs" Mike rolled his eyes as he turned his attention towards their co-stars standing above them.

"Any other questions?" he asked.

"Ja, Is it too late for me to hire a double?" Dr. Scratchensniff pleaded.

The others were not as ecstatic about the short as the Warners were. Scratchensniff was still recovering from the headache-inducing experience that was "Taming of the Screwy". Nurse wasn't too happy to know she only got one line of dialogue in the entire short, but it was better than nothing she supposed. Ralph on the other hand really didn't care, as he was too busy scarfing down a box of fortune cookies.

"Ralph, you know you're not supposed to just eat those right?" Nurse asked.

"Huh?" Ralph garbled, crumbs sputtered out of his mouth, and onto Scratchensniff's face.

"You ninny! Your supposed to crack them open und read the tiny paper message inside!" the psychiatrist replied irritably.

"That's why these things taste funny" Ralph gagged as he pulled a tiny wet strip from his mouth.

"Deegusting!" Dot exclaimed. The bulbous guard held the note to his face and read it.

"Ahh.. _.Be on the lookout for coming events; They cast their shadows beforehand_." Ralph's grin lessened a bit after reading that.

"Ooh. Sounds profound" Dot answered.

"Sounds foreboding" Yakko added.

"Doesn't sound like anything to me". Wakko said while lifting his ear.

"Who cares how it sounds? Let's get started already!" Mike barked. The group quickly dispersed as he took out his megaphone. "Places everyone, places! This is a short script. If we're lucky we should have this done before midnight. Annnd…!" he dropped his voice to a whisper " Action."

[Scene 1 Take 1]

The shot opened with a panoramic shot across a city street in downtown Burbank. The setting sun created a warm glow across an empty alleyway. It was a beautiful shot, and then the cartoon started.

"The Warners have escaped! Get them!" Scratchensniff's voice yelled. Three non-distinct blurs whooshed by, sending trash and papers everywhere.

"Holy…!" Mike yelped as a second blur whipped by moments later. "Alright, Cut!" The director ran out of the alleyway and into the street, Scratchensniff and Nurse ran towards him. Both dropped their nets as they stopped to catch their breaths. "What's going on? Why did you guys fall behind?"

"Fall... behind? The Warners... sped ahead!" Scratchensniff huffed breathlessly. "Ralph's the only one who can keep up with them" The director looked to his left to see Ralph and the Warners zipping down the road, clearing at least 3 city blocks.

"But that's impossible, The Ritalin in their drinks should have kicked in by now," he muttered.

"How many times do I have to tell you? It doesn't vork for them!"

"No…" Yakko's voice made Mike jump. The Warners suddenly appeared at his side "But it seems to work on bald guards just fine" he pointed toward Ralph trudging towards them in slow motion.

"Geet… baack..her… you… guys…" the guard distorted voice slurred, just before he collapsed on the ground.

"Attempting to drug a minor, Plotz will looove to hear about this" Dot retorted.

"I wasn't trying to..." Mike muttered. "Someone get Ralph a cup of coffee over here. Warners, can you guys _please_  slow down a bit? It'll be hard to film you three going at Mach 5!"

"Will do" the trio replied.

[Scene 1 Take 2]

"The Warners have escaped! Get them!" Scratchensniff's voice yelled. This time the Warners distinct silhouettes appeared as they taunted their pursuers.

" _Lally lally loo lally laly lee! You can't catch us were the Warners three_ …" the trio ran off, Ralph appeared a second later, butterfly net in hand. Scratchensniff and Nurse followed not far behind, also with nets in hand.

The Warners did the scene as rehearsed as they ran towards the camera in a new shot further down the street. They stopped as soon as they heard a rumble of thunder, then groaned when it started to rain.

"When I asked for some water earlier this is not what I meant!" Yakko griped.

"What do ya know, the weatherman  _was_  right for once today" Wakko uttered underneath his dripping cap.

"Makeup!" Dot shrieked as her bow drooped.

"Cut!" Mike yelled.

[Scene 1 Take 3]

After half an hour, the rain had already passed. The shooting resumed. The Warners redid the scene as they ran across the slick road towards the camera… and right into the cameraman.

"Ow! Damn!" Ed the cameraman exclaimed as the Warners sprawled all over him. Dot clambered over the cameraman's pot belly.

"You have beautiful eyes!" she complimented.

"Get off! the cameraman growled.

"Cut!" the director yelled again.

[Scene 1 Take 4]

This time Warners ran towards the camera again but stopped when Rita and Runt walked into the shot. After that delay, they ran right past the cameraman.

"Shouldn't we…?" the previously trampled cameraman began to ask.

"Just leave it in Ed," Mike grumbled. The rest of the scene went off as planned. Scratchy and Ralph ran right into each other before bypassing the cameraman as well. Nurse trotted behind them as a steady drumbeat pounded from out of nowhere. As soon as she was out of shot, it stopped. She looked around in confusion.

"Mike, you hear that? Where is that coming from?" she asked.

"Don't know, the soundtrack isn't supposed to be made until  _after_  we finished filming." The director scratched his head.

"But its really distracting!" Nurse protested. The drumbeat happened again as she walked around a bit.

"I don't see a problem" Ed commented. She barely noticed him gazing a little too closely at her hips. However, Mike did and gave him a quick thwack on the head.

"It's probably nothing" the director added. Nurse shrugged as they moved on to the next part of the scene. Ralph had stopped at a street corner. He cautiously peered behind the brick wall. Then he gobbled down another fortune cookie from his pocket. "Cut!"

"Ralph, will you stop eating those cookies?!" Scratchy yelled off camera. Ralph pulled out another strip from his mouth.

" _Reveal something special to others, just don't embarrass yourself while doing it_  " he read. Yakko popped up from a trash can he was hiding in and blew a kiss.

"Goodnight everybody!" he joked.

"Cut!" Mike growled.

[Scene 1 Take 5]

The scene resumed with Ralph peering behind the wall. A stray can that was tossed by Dot appeared at the other side.

"Shush" Ralph pressed his fingers to mouth as he looked around the other side. Yakko burst from the trashcan and pinched Ralph's backside.

"Tag you're it!" Yakko teased. Ralph yelped as he literally sprung out of his pants and slammed into the streetlight above him. Unfortunately for Yakko, when Ralph came down, he flattened him. After a brief dizzy spell, Ralph looked down and immediately blushed bright red.

"My undershorts, Dah fortune was true!" the guard used his cap to cover the red hearts on his white shorts.

Cut!" Mike yelled.

[Scene 1 Take 6]

This time the scene was done again. Ralph shushed himself as he peered around the corner. Except he had forgotten one detail.

"Oh my god, Ralph put your pants on!" the director yelled.

"Huh?" Ralph looked up. Yakko came back out again.

"Tag you're it" Yakko immediately regretted doing this as Ralph jumped out of his undershorts. After getting a good look at the full moon, Yakko scrambled out of the trashcan just before Ralph crushed it. The guard's face was a deeper shade of red now.

"Cut! Someone get some bleach for my eyes!" Mike screamed.

"Your eyes, what about mine?!" Yakko yelled.

[Scene 1 Take 7]

"Tag your it" Yakko teased. Ralph jumped out of his pants again. This time around he landed right back in them. Irritated he lifted up the lid of the trashcan. A green faced Yakko slithered out from the can and onto the ground.

"Yakko are you alright?!" Dot asked as Ralph helped him up.

"Yep, but the smell of bad tuna really gets to you after a while" Yakko uttered groggily.

[Scene 1 Take 8]

Ralph lifted up the lid again only to find out Yakko is missing. Then he smelled the bad tuna inside. He fell down, green-faced as well.

[Scene 1 Take 10]

Ralph ignored the smell as he lifted up the lid again. He scratched his head to figure out what happened until Yakko blew a raspberry behind his back. The guard instantly swiped his net at him.

"I caught em doc! I got em!" he gloated. He looked down to see he really did catch Yakko by mistake. The eldest sibling pouted as he crossed his arms. "Is really  _did_  caught em!" the guard's eyes widened. The eldest Warner jumped on the edge of his net.

"You are correct sir, Tell em what he's won!" Yakko cheered. Dot popped out of Ralph's shirt collar.

"A free facial!" She slammed a custard pie in the guard's face. Some of the custard also splattered onto Yakko, who in retaliation threw a meringue pie. It accidentally hit Ralph and its intended target. Within moments, a pie fight broke between the two siblings with Ralph acting as a barrier, taking most of the blows.

"Cut! Cut!" Mike called out before a stray pie splattered on his cheeks. He whipped his head around.

"Oops," Wakko blushed.

"Makeup!" Dot shrieked.

[Scene 1 Take 11]

After a brief wash up, the scene is given another go. Ralph swiped his net again.

"...I caught em doc! I got em!" he repeated his line.

"Good for you" Scratchensniff groaned.

"Good for me" Ralph saw he 'accidentally" caught Scratchy by mistake.

"You got me you big dummy!" the psychiatrist began to strangle Ralph just as Nurse walked into the shot. The steady drumbeat pounded again. Nurse paused to look around. It stopped again.

"Seriously! There it is again" she said.

"Doc, your hands are cold" Ralph grimaced as he rubbed his neck.

"Come on guys, Cut!"Mike complained.

[Scene 1 Take 12]

Nurse ran into the shot, ignoring the drumbeat.

"Um, there they are" she said, delivering her sole line as she pointed down the street. Scratchensniff pulled off the net to look at where she was pointing at. The Warners had run towards the theater and looked back at them.

"Get them!" Scratchensniff yelled as they followed after them. Behind the Warner trio was a long line of wooden decoy crowd members. They clawed and squeezed their way in an attempt to get inside. Dot filed at the edges with a nail file while Yakko rammed a crowbar in between the gaps.

Cut!" the director interrupted, just as Wakko was getting ready to blaze the decoys with a flamethrower. "You do know there was a latch you could open, right?" Mike demonstrated by pointing at a latch within the crowd. He pressed it and three decoys swung open like a door.

"You do know you could have told us about it, right?" Yakko retorted.

[Scene 1 Take 13]

The Wanrers opened the makeshift crowd door and disappeared behind the line. The other trio caught up with them.

"Ralph you take the back, Miss Nurse..." Scratchy dropped his net. "I'm sorry, but are you sure about this line? Nurse, You take my breath away?"

"What's the problem?" Mike asked.

"It's just that I'm not attracted to Nurse like that! Vere just vorking partners!"

"Yeah I'm little weirded out by that line too" Nurse added. Ed happened to pass by, carrying his camera.

"What's wrong, she takes  _my_  breath away..." he mumbled before Mike stuffed his cap inside his mouth.

"Look, It's just something the writers made for the show, no one is going to think this is real. I promise" Mike persuaded. Scratchy and Nurse looked at each for a few seconds before they gave their responses.

Fine" They replied.

[Scene 1 Take 14]

The trio rushed towards the line again. Scratchensniff took charge as he gave the other two directions.

"Ralph you take the back, Miss Nurse you take my breath away..." he responded dreamily before catching himself. "No no no, you take the side und Ill go in the front" the group split off in three directions. Once out of shot. Scratchy cringed a bit at what he said.

"See, was that so hard?" Mike remarked. A glare from Scratchy was his response. The scene ended as the Warners raced through the theater's double doors.

[Scene 2 Take 1]

Inside, the theater gradually filled as more people came in. Or at least that was what to be intended on screen. Although it looked like a full house, in reality, it was 200 extras hired to fill the 1000 seat theater. The remaining 800 were filled in by more fake decoys. This was a result of the strict budget Mike had to follow.

The Wanrers ran down one of the aisles, mowing down audience members in their path. They disappeared through some red curtains and reached a side door backstage. Yakko opened the door. Gobsmacked he gazed up at what he saw. The following shot was one of Nurse, net raised to strike. The camera shifted from bottom to top, emphasizing her curvaceous body.

"Hello, nurse!"Yakko swooned. Ed happened to be filming this particular shot. His jaw dropped to the floor.

"Hello indeed…" the cameraman panted. Yakko jumped right into her net.

"Take me away I've been a bad boy..." he added slyly.

"Cut! Yakko, you're supposed to run  _away_  from the Nurse!" Mike griped.

"Uhh... I don't know. That seems really out of my character, at least for me it is."

The director raised a written document in his hands. He pointed at it.

"Really, the script begs to differ…"

[Scene 2 Take 2]

This time the scene was repeated again. Mike, however, quickly caught Ed zooming the camera lens on Nurse's more "prominent" parts.

"Cut!" he muttered, giving Ed another smack in the head.

"What did you do that for?" Nurse asked. Mike didn't want to let on at what happened.

"Oh just giving a fellow camera a thankful gesture for his  _special camera work_ " He gritted his teeth on the last few words. Ed cursed under his breath.

[Scene 2 Take 3]

This time around, Yakko says his correct line. "Good Bye Nurse!" he slammed the door. Unfortunately, it was a lot harder than he intended, as a Nurse shaped imprint melded onto the door. Horrified, Yakko opened the door. Nurse held her head as her eyes swirled around. "Oops! Sorry!"

"What did you do that for Yakko?!" Wakko yelled.

"Yakko, you just slammed the Nurse!" Dot exclaimed before she covered her mouth. Yakko blew another kiss.

"Good night everybody!" he joked.

"Walked right into that one..." she groaned.

"Oh, cut!" Mike rustled his hair.

[Scene 2 Take 4]

The whole scene plays out as planned. Except for the drumbeat that decided to reappear again. "Goodbye nurse!" Yakko shut the door and ran off. When they had left, Nurse opened the door and dropped her net.

"Seriously, who's doing that drumming? It's getting annoying" Meanwhile, the Warners had already run to the back door. The door opened to reveal Ralph waiting for them.

"Duh... Gotcha!" said Ralph, net raised to strike.

"Duh... Not!" Yakko retorted sharply. He slammed the door, leaving a Ralph shaped print on the door. This time it was intentional.

"Perfect! Let's move on to the next scene," said Mike. Ralph emerged from the door, completely unfazed. Puzzled, the Warners were surprised he wasn't seeing stars after that. Wakko pinched the edge of the door, to his surprise it was soft and squishy.

"Hey, It's made of putty! You cheated!" Wakko pointed at Ralph who guiltily kicked at the ground.

"Hey, how come  _he_  got the putty door?" Nurse rubbed her forehead.

"We weren't expecting  _two_  people to get hit with a door tonight!" Mike complained, arching an eyebrow at Yakko.

"I said I was sorry!" Yakko snapped back.

[Scene 3 Take 1]

A few minutes later, filming resumed. The Warners poked their heads out of the curtains on the stage. They noticed three empty seats at the front row. Without hesitation, they took them immediately.

"Well hide in here till the coast is clear," Yakko said softly. He quickly noticed that a few crowd members had gotten up and moved away. Pretty soon the audience had created a 30 ft barrier of space between them. Yakko was honestly confused. But it took a small whiff from his siblings to know why.

"Yakko! You reek!" Dot exclaimed

"Ugh! That's awful!" Wakko held his nose.

"You try smelling good after spending 10 takes in a garbage can!" Yakko called out.

"Cut! Yakko go wash yourself in the bathroom sink or something" Mike held his nose. After a 30 minute wash up in the restroom, Yakko smelled decent enough to continue with the scene.

[Scene 3 Take 2]

"Well hide in here till the coast is clear" Yakko repeated his line. Just then, the lights dimmed as the audience applauded at the special guest coming on stage. A spotlight beamed down. It was the pianist Tympanini in an all-black tuxedo. He swelled with pride as he took in all the attention he was receiving. The attention was supplied by all 200 extras, including an applause track playing over the sound system.

"Ooh a magic show, this oughta be fun!" Wakko commented giddily. Tympanini began to introduce the piece he was about to perform. Unfortunately, no one could hear the words coming out of his mouth.

"Are you a silent film actor?" Dot shouted.

"We can't hear you!" Yakko added.

Cut!" Mike barked.

[Scene 3 Take 3]

"Franz Schubert…" Tympanini tried again, his voice barely audible.

"Friends Super?!" Wakko asked.

"Still can't hear you!" Yakko shouted.

[Scene 3 Take 5]

Annoyed,Tympanini repeated a little louder this time. "Franz Schubert…"

"What was that? France Sherbert?" Wakko responded. The pianist slapped a hand to his face. He climbed down from the stage and stood in front of them.

"Franz Schubert, Schubert!" he screamed, his voice blowing in their faces.

"Ohh..." They realized in unison.

"Cut! Someone bring out the sound guy." Mike commented. A crew member came forward and tugged at Tympanini's shirt collar. He adjusted a small microphone hidden underneath.

"Try it now" he answered softly.

[Scene 3 Take 6]

"FRANZ SCHUBERT INTENDED THIS..." his voice boomed, followed by the squeal of the microphone. The trio covered their ears as well as the extras around them.

"Oww! Holy fuck! Dammit, My ears!" several of them cried out.

"And I thought we were surrounded by classy people" Dot pouted.

[Scene 3 Take 13]

"After a few more deafening readjustments later, Tympanni's mike situation was under control. The rest of the scene went off just fine.

"Franz Schubert intended this scherzo, to reflect the struggle between intellect and the creative process" Tympiani explained, his voice finally audible.

"Uh… I don't think he's a magician" Yakko said skeptically.

"Sure he is, this is just his set up" Dot reassured.

"Hey mister! Pull a rabbit out of your pants!" Wakko called out. The audience shushed them in response.

"What are you, leaky tires?" Yakko retorted. Tympanini continued with his speech.

"However, Schubert was simply incapable of expressing the delicate nuance, but thanks to my genius…" In the middle of his sentence, the spotlight gave out. Tympanni frowned in the dark at having his moment ruined.

[Scene 3 Take 14]

"...but thanks to my genius…" I will perform this great work, not as the composer wrote it, but as he intended it. Schubert's intermezzo andante opus nine" The pianist sauntered towards the piano behind him. Just as he approached the stool, he slipped up and landed on his rear. The Warners jumped on their seats amidst chuckles from the audience.

"Bravo! Encore! What a performance! Bravo!" they cheered.

"I haven't started yet," Tympanini growled.

"But it had a great ending!" Yakko commented.

[Scene 3 Take 15]

Tympanini walked over to the piano again and sat down on the stool. He lifted one finger and pressed a key. Everyone jumped at the thunderous crash that followed. The entire piano had collapsed in a heap of rubble. Tympanini simply facepalmed.

"Cut! Just wheel out the next one." Mike ordered. A stagehand pushed away the damaged piano while another one wheeled out a new one towards a very peeved Tympanini.

[Scene 3 Take 16]

He pressed the same key again. His expression soured as he turned his back to the instrument.

"Stop! This piano is out of tune" Tympanini complained.

How can you tell? You only hit one note!" The director replied.

"How can I tell? I'm a concert pianist…!"

Wakko and Yakko gasped, the brothers rushed the stage with bars of soap in hand.

"It's 'Roll Over Beethoven' all over again!" Dot complained as she wielded a bar of soap of her own.

"Cut! Take that soap out of his mouth!" Mike yelled as he ran on stage to intervene.

[Scene 3 Take 17]

This time another new piano is wheeled out. Tympanimi pressed the key again, this time it is in tune. The rest of the scene finally moves forward. The Warners brows lowered in distaste.

"We're out of here," Yakko said flatly. The three siblings sprinted from their seats and climbed over several crowd members.

"Excuse us! Gang Way! Coming through! Pardon us...!" When they reached one of the aisles they skidded to a halt.

"Uh Oh" Dot commented. Scratchensniff was searching through a row of seats several feet ahead of them.

"Hit reverse sibs!" said Yakko. The Wanrers jumped…and quietly walked back to their seats. Mike had told them in advance that they would simply use the playback from the camera and reverse it to look like they were running backwards.

"There are some tricks even we're not  _that_  good at," Yakko said aloud.

[Scene 4 Take 1]

Meanwhile in the back, Scratchy Nurse and Ralph sneaked down the aisle, their feet squeaking loudly against the carpeted floor. This caught the attention of Tympamini who immediately stopped playing. An usher approached them.

"The concert has begun, take your seats" he whispered as he hastily pushed them into three conveniently empty seats.

"Your mother uses Pampers" Scratchy muttered as the usher walked off. Next to him, Ralph bit off half of another fortune cookie, he pulled out the strand on the uneaten part.

"Dah.. _.Unknown obstacles shall pass your way. Duck_." Ralph read. Scratchy winced as the usher's flashlight clocked him in the back of the head. Ralph flipped the note over and read the other side " _Well, we told you to duck_ " Irritated, the psychiatrist growled as he snatched the strand and tore it up. This earned a choir of shushes around him.

"Once again, the Schubert" Tympani declared. After straightening his tie he prepared to start again. Suddenly the munching of popcorn interrupted his concentration once again. The Warners were busily snacking on popcorn and taffy. At the same time in the back, Scratchensniff's brow furrowed as Ralph took out his box of fortune cookies.

"Ralph will you please get rid of those cookies?!" he whispered.

"But I didn't gets to have lunch today" Ralph replied with his mouth full. "Sides the Warners get to eat "

"Cause vhat's their part in the script!" The guard ignored his complaint as he pulled out a strand from the bottom of the box. He swallowed before reading.

" _A heavy burden shall descend upon you_ " The psychiatrist waved it off as he brought his attention back to the stage. Tympanini was struggling to hold the tower of candy the Wanrers had poured out from Wakko's gag bag. It was all going according to the scene, then he remembered what was supposed to come next.

He looked up. Harnessed by a few wires, a pink candy store freely dangled from the ceiling. It was previously used for a short the Warners had finished filming earlier that morning " The Big Candy Store" Then the harness snapped. The store came whistling down not on Tympanini, but on top of him and the others. Nurse and Scratchy jumped from their seats to escape, only to have Ralph stumble over them in his own attempt to escape. Scratchy squeaked as it came down. _Crash!_

The vibration from the impact caused Tympani to lose his grip on the leaning tower of candy, and it toppled into the crowd. Dot conveniently opened up an umbrella which shielded her and her brothers from the falling shower. Popcorn and candy covered the entire floor like an overnight snowstorm. Several of the extras cursed as they wiped nacho cheese and taffy off their now ruined outfits. Ed along with the other cameramen wiped butter and mustard off their camera lenses. Oddly enough, the store was still in one piece after the fall.

"Cut! What was that?!" Mike yelled as he squeezed himself through the commotion. "Did no one seriously check to see if this was hanging in the right spot?!" While the director went off on an angry tangent on who was incompetent enough to let this happen, the candy store's door fell down. Although battered and bruised, the adult trio was okay…. somewhat. Scratchy, who head was covered in chocolate syrup, flopped down on the ground. Nurse fell right on top of him, leaving a dust of powdered sugar in her wake. Then Ralph fell down and squished them both. Cotton candy covered his head as his eyes swirled like peppermint candy. The Warners huddled around them.

"Are you okay?" Wakko asked.

"I think so" Scratchensniff's muffled voice answered.

"Uh huh" Nurse's voice added.

"Six Thix thistle sticks..." Ralph droned dizzily.

"Yep, these guys are O-Kay!" Yakko gave a thumbs up.

"Good, except now we're going to have to do that bit all over again!" the director stamped his foot. After a few minutes of cleaning and setting everything back up, filming resumed.

[Scene 4 Take 2]

The entire portion of the scene is redone from the beginning. The Warners munch on their snacks when Tympani approaches them. Having been caught glove handed, they give up their snacks.

"All of it." Tympanini held out his hand. A snap went off. The store came sailing down prematurely. Tympanini dodged the falling prop with a successful action roll, but with a not so successful landing. The Warners winced when he rolled off stage and landed head first on the floor.

"Aww no! Cut!" Mike yelled.

[Scene 4 Take 5]

"Annd... Action-" The snap happened again, followed by another crash in the audience. The scene was over before it started. Mike threw up his hands "Really?!

[Scene 4 Take 10]

It snapped again. Yakko and Dot shrieked as it came down on them this time. Wakko burst from his seat and stopped it with his hands. He strained a bit as he held the store above them.

"Even for cartoon logic, this is ridiculous!" Yakko scoffed. Stunned, Wakko broke into a grin.

"Look at me, I'm Superman!" he gloated. At the same time, Ralph read another strip.

" _The mind is a powerful thing, but it doesn't make you Superman_ " And then Wakko arms wobbled.  _Crash._

" _Thanks_  for that acknowledgment" Yakko muffled voice replied.

[Scene 4 Take 20]

After several takes, the entire scene goes as intended. After the Warners loaded off their candy supply in Tympanini's hands, he struggled to hold the tall load. Then, the candy store finally lands in its correct spot. Thud. It wobbled precariously on top of the leaning tower of treats. Wakko took out a tiny box of red and green candy balls. He flicked a green one the very top. The added extra weight sent Tympanni crashing through the wooden floor. However, this was part of the script, so there was no further harm done.

"Cut! Take a break everyone" Mike cheered halfheartedly. This scene alone had taken way too much time, but at least it was finished. The Wanrers climbed on stage and looked down the hole.

"Hey mister, are you okay?"' Wakko asked flicking another gobstopper in his mouth.

"I thought I said, all of it..." the pianist croaked from below. With a groan, Wakko tipped the box, tossing the remaining ones down the hole.

"Where are you going Mike?" Yakko asked the director who was holding his head.

"Going to see if Nurse has any aspirin left in her office" he replied. They were only halfway through this short and he already wanted this to be over already.


	2. Falls and Fails

It took over an hour for the stage to be repaired for the final scenes. The big gaping hole in the floor was patched up. Tympanini had fully recovered from his fall as well as Scratchensniff and the others. In the meantime, the Warners took time to review their script, and one of them was not happy.

"Eww!" Wakko reeled in disgust.

"What's wrong?" Mike came over. The much-needed break helped him relax for just a moment.

"I don't eat used gum under a seat! That's disgusting!" Dots eyes widened in shock. It was the last thing she thought she'd ever hear from her younger brother.

"Calm down, we hid some regular unchewed gum under the seat, no one will notice"

"They'll notice it's under a seat" Dot put her hands on her hips. Wakko unwrapped one piece of gum and tasted it.

"Mmm, cherry flavored…" The lights dimmed as the scene began to start.

The director raised his megaphone, which was still greasy from the falling food incident from earlier. "And action!"

[Scene 5 Take 1]

The scene started off with a fade in shot of Tympanini back on stage. Wakko looked underneath his seat and pulled out the gum he'd tasted earlier. He popped it in his mouth.

"Dee- sgusting!" Dot exclaimed. Back on stage, Tympanini turned around, giving a smug grin to the camera.

"The Sherbert…! Argh!" he pounded a fist on the piano.

[Scene 5 Take 2]

"The Schubert" he recited correctly. He began to play, but he was once again interrupted. Below the stage, Wakko blew an enormous bubble. The bubble burst with a loud pop, covering the Warner siblings and a few the audience members around them with a sticky layer of gum.

"I just cleaned this shirt!" one extra yelled.

"Nice one bro." Yakko groaned.

"Gah!" Dot exclaimed. This is all over my new bow! Makeup!"

"Oh, God... Cut!" Mike rubbed his eyebrows.

[Scene 5 Take 3]

This time Wakko blew a smaller bubble. It popped, but it only covered himself with gum. Tympanini appears at the edge of the stage tapping his foot. He held out his hand for Wakko to give it up. The middle sibling pulled it out of his mouth and stuck it to the pianist's hand. Tympnami stormed back to the piano to finish where he left off.

Tympanini resumed playing his piece. Unfortunately, a few seconds in, the gum stuck to one of the keys. Giving a sheepish smile to the audience he continued playing. As he struggled to get rid of the gum, more of it stuck to the rest of him. This  _was_  part of the script, however, the keys breaking off and sticking to his arms like post its cards wasn't.

"Cut!" Mike yelled. The piano was quickly replaced with a new one.

[Scene 5 Take 4]

Tympanini's frenetic gum playing was done again. Thankfully the keys don't come off time. But then for no reason, the piano blew up. The fiery explosion rocked the entire building. Tympanini went flying off the stage collided into Mike.

"This must be Wendy O Williams arrangement," said Yakko. A random crew member doused the remaining flames with a fire extinguisher. Enraged, Tympanini grabbed at the director's shirt.

"Where did you buy these  _cheap_  pianos?! he yelled. A single flame burned on his head.

"What do you mean cheap? These grand pianos were handmade!" Mike protested.

"By who? Wile Coyote?!" Confetti burst from the Warners' hands and fell onto the two men.

"We have a winner!" Yakko chirped, giving his best game show host impression. "Tell them what they won!"

Dot pulled out another pie. "Another fa-"

"No! Cut!" Mike groaned.

[Scene Take 5]

The piano doesn't break this time. Tympanini manages to keep on playing in melodic series of arpeggios and eighth notes. Pretty soon he had created his own spider web of chewing gum.

"Now that's entertainment" Yakko cut in.

At one point, Tympanini pounded on the keys in a heated moment of agitation. The piano collapsed instantly. Dazed, the pianist stood near the damaged instrument. He glared at the gum which had just now decided to fall off his fingers. He regained his composure as the audience applauded in response. The Warner trio jumped on top their seats, lit matches in hand.

"Very Pete Townsendence" Yakko complimented.

"Who?" Dot asked

"Exactly" Wakko replied.

"Who! who! Who! Who! Who..!" the trio chanted. Tympanini ignored them as he introduced the next piece.

"Yes well, for my next number, Ludwig von Plotzverger's most compelling musical accomplishment..." A stage hand pushed the broken piano away from Tympanini as he continued speaking. Another one pushed a new one out. "Regretfully only a sophisticated ear as my own can fully appreciate the sheer, Oww!"

One of the piano's wheels had rolled over his foot. The pianist griped in the pain as he hopped on one foot, grabbing the injured one in his hands.

[Scene 5 Take 6]

"...Regretfully, only a sophisticated ear as my own can-" he barely finished his sentence as the piano slammed into him like a freight train.

[Scene 5 Take 7]

Tympanini seated himself in the stool as the piano was wheeled out again. It remained in place this time.

"... only a sophisticated ear as my own can fully appreciate the sheer, depth of this masterpiece. Complete and absolute concentration is required. Von Plotzburger's pavan and dirge in C-Minor, opus 7 - and 11." Without hesitation he went right into his piece, playing with great skill. As Tympanni continued playing, Scratchy and the others took this as their cue to leave their seats. Scratchy split off to the right; Nurse trotted off it the left, trailing drumbeat not far behind; Ralph came out and simply stared at the screen head on, eyes big as saucers. Scratchy's hand quickly dragged him out of the shot.

"Vhat was that about?" The psychiatrist asked.

"Did you sees that shiny thing?" Ralph pulled another strip from his pocket. "Just like mys fortune said,  _A beautiful sight shall be presented to you."_  he pointed in the aisle. The shiny thing in question was Ed's new handheld camera, which was pretty high tech for 1993 standards. It was sleek, gray, had several buttons on the side, and a 2-inch lens large enough for Ralph to see his reflection."

The psychiatrist rolled his eyes as he noticed Nurse on the opposite side of the aisle. She stormed alongside each row with a scowl on her face. The drumbeat kept getting louder and louder. It stopped and started every time she paused to find its source. For her, this was beyond irritating.

"Alright, that's it!" Nurse grumbled. She dropped her net and began peering behind the seats.

"Nurse! What are you doing?" Scratchensniff whispered.

"I'm going stop that stupid drumming once and for all" Nurse replied. She knelt down and kept looking. Ed gnashed his teeth, unable to control himself decided to follow after her.

"Where are  _you_  going?"Scratchensniff whispered.

"Uh, going to change my camera's battery"the cameraman replied. Scratchy knew he was lying, but he was preoccupied with finishing this scene to deal with it.

Ed trailed not far behind her camera in hand, getting a good view of her legs and rear. As he moved closer to get a possible money shot, he almost fell over as he stumbled on something. The drumbeat stopped. Nurse paused and turned around, and right at Ed's face. She looked down and put her hands on her hips.

"So…" she spoke calmly. Sweating, Ed looked down and gasped at a what laid at his feet. A small red drum, and two drumsticks. She walked over and picked up the drum. "I think it's time for the anesthetic..."

"No wait, it wasn't me!" Ed sputtered as she rose it above her headd.

A loud wham roused the Warners attention, they looked back. Ed staggered down the aisle with the broken drum dangling around his neck and a shiny lump on his head. "Nightly night doctor…" he slurred before falling down.

"Looks like Ed 'found' Wakko's drum" Yakko winked. "This theater is only big enough for  _two_  perverts" He and Wakko embraced each other with two prideful smiles.

"Boys..." Dot uttered disgustedly. A few discordant notes interrupted her attention.

"I believe I said absolute concentration is required!" Tympani scolded.

[Scene 5 Take 8]

Tympanini resumed playing until he was roused by another distraction. The Warners had dozed off, they snored loudly among the other extras who had also fallen asleep. The pianist struck a hard chord which not only woke up the Warners but the audience as well. The reaction was a series of shrieks, hollers, and shouts.

[Scene 5 Take 9]

Tympanini struck the chord again. The Warner trio jumped out of their seats. This time the audience remained silent.

"Bravo, bravo, bravo, bravo, bravissimo, more, more, encore!" they cheered. After a brief look around, they grinned in embarrassment. The Warners sat back down. Then another figure sat up.

"Ah, so there you is!" said Ralph. Frightened, the Warners bolted from their seats just as Ralph swiped his net. He accidentally thwacked a few of guests sitting next to him.

"Watch where you're swinging that goddamn thing!" one pudgy man yelled at Ralph.

[Scene 5 Take 9]

"Ah, so there you is!" Ralph repeats his line. He swung his net again, this time not hitting anybody. Tympani continued playing as he provided an instant soundtrack for the final chase sequence. Scratchensniff and Nurse chased the Warners down the aisle. The Warners began to climb onto the stage, but as soon as they touched the newly waxed floor, their footing gave out from underneath. Wakko slid across the stage and landed into a wall. Dot simply face planted on the floor. Yakko fell off the stage, knocking down Nurse and Scratchensniff in the process. He blushed, realizing he'd fallen onto Nurse's breasts.

"There your dose of lowbrow humor for you, folks!" Yakko joked to the audience.

"Cut!" Mike yelled.

[Scene 5 Take 10]

This time the Warners climb on stage, although their feet still glide across the floor, they don't have any more accidents. And then Scratchensniff and Nurse follow right behind them. Both their footing gave way and they fell off the stage again.

The Warners ran towards an open doorway that turned out to be an elevator shaft. The trio realized this too late as their feet effortlessly slid on the floor, and right down the shaft. Thud!

"Cut! Whoa! You guys are okay?" Mike stood up. Tympanini stopped playing.

"We're fine" Yakko called out. A soft hum came from beneath their feet. They didn't realize they were standing on top of a rising elevator. The Warners screamed as they were flattened against the roof of the shaft. Ralph jumped out with net raised.

"Which way did they go Doc? Which way do they go?!" the guard whipped his head from left to right.

"We're still okay" Yakko strained.

"Can I please finish my piece?!" Tympanini yelled.

"Cut!" Mike shouted.

[Scne 5 Take 11]

The scene is given another go. The Warners run on stage with Scratchy and Nurse not far behind. They stopped just Ralph rose up inside the elevator. They fearfully backed up as their pursuers closed in on them. Once again, they didn't watch their feet as they unintentionally did a synchronized pratfall on their backs.

[Scene 5 Take 12]

This time there are no more pratfalls as the Warners cautiously stepped back. As the larger trio closed in on them, they raised their nets. The Warners' mouths gaped open as their shadows loomed over them. In the next shot, the adults leaned into the camera, devilish smiles on their faces. It was probably the closest these guys came to look intimidating. Scratchensniff's heavy breathing created a foggy film on the lens. It ruined the shot.

"Cut!"

"Easy on the breathing Scratchy! You sound like Darth Vader!" Yakko complained.

[Scene 5 Take 13]

The adult trio had the Warners cornered again. The nets came up, and then they came down. The music stops. The next shot cut to outside the theater where Ralph hauled a brown sack towards a paddy wagon. Scratchy and Nurse opened the doors.

"I-I-I-I got 'em now, Doc!" Ralph said he tossed their cargo inside.

"Ha-ha! Good job Ralphie! Let's have a look, huh? " Dr. Scratchensniff congratulated Ralph. He looked inside. "Vhat is das?" Inside, the captive tore away at the sack and lunged towards the window. It was Tmypanini, completely pissed off.

"But, where are the Warner Brothers?" Scratchensniff pondered. Nurse did the same while Ralph scratched his head. The scene cut to the final performance of the show. The Warner trio did their self-composed song, "Piano Rag" They clambered on the stool as they took turns playing the piano. Amazingly enough, despite its borderline anarchic performance, this scene turned out perfectly, for the most part.

 _" Twas a guy named Joe from Kokomo, playing that piano rag..."_ Yakko danced as he started off with the first verse. The stool swirled around, sending the other siblings flying.

 _" He banged his keys with his head and his knees, playing that piano rag.._." Wakko bounced up from underneath Yakko as he sang his part. The Warner sister plopped on top of both her brothers.

 _"He twiddled with his toes and nibbled with his nose, playing that piano rag..."_ Dot sang as she effortlessly twiddled on the piano keys with her toes. The stool swirled again. Then all three siblings joined in, complete with a midair jump and knee slide a la Pete Townsend...

 _"And when the day was done he had some fu uahhhh...! ..._and then slid off the stage again.

"Enough with the waxy floor bits!" Yakko complained.

[Scene 5 Take 14]

 _"And when the day was done he had some fun, Playing that piano rag_!"The Warners slid to a stop right to the edge of the stage. The entire crowd erupted with applause as they bowed.  _" He was playing that piano rag_!" The trio gave a final wink to the camera just before the shot closed with an iris out.

"And Cut! And Print!" Mike shouted through his megaphone. He looked at his wristwatch. Surprisingly, it was exactly 12:00 midnight, right at the time he was hoping to finish. "That's a wrap everyone! You can all go ho-" Mike didn't get to finish as Yakko now stood near him with his megaphone in hand.

"Alright everyone, let's have a round of applause for the stars of the show! Let's bring out our guest star tonight Tympanini" Yakko pointed to the stage right just as the pianist came out. No longer ticked off, he proudly strutted on stage and bowed. The floor creaked a bit with each step. "You were excellent Tortellini! Ever considered being a regular on our show?"

"Please, I do concertos, not cartoons" Tympanini scoffed.

"Ah well, can't get em all" Yakko shrugged.

"Okay Yakko, you can stop..." the director faked a chuckle.

"And how bout we bring out the others?!" Yakko continued.

"Yakko seriously, this floor not strong enough to take this much weight..!" He stifled a scream as Scratchensniff and Nurse stepped on stage. As they waved to the audience, Mike could hear the floor creak some more.

"Yakko, please...!"

"Come on up Ed, get up here sound guy, come up here stage hand who looks like Weird Al, get off your keister foul-mouthed guest who sat next to us." Mike could barely hear the splintering cracks over the commotion of several others climbing on stage.

"Yakko no!" Mike lunged for Yakko who in response jumped on his head.

"And last but not least, our special friend Ralph!" The security came lumbering out of the stage, his feet pounding with each step. Yakko handed him the megaphone.

"Anything you'd like to say, big guy?"Yakko asked as Ralph pulled out one last fortune cookie. He finally opened it correctly by snapping it in half and pulling out the message.

"Everyone get off now!" Mike yelled, waving his arms. The guard held the note to his face.

"Dah,  _the bigger the load the harder it falls, especially when Ralph is the load_ " Ralph paused. "Huh?"

"What an oddly specific message" Nurse uttered over the shuddering wood. Finally, it gave way.

"Aw damn it..." Mike grumbled.

Then everything happened at once, the floor caved in, the microphones squealed like banshees. Loose boards flew to the ceiling striking sandbags and spotlights, some landing on a few audience members. When the dust cleared, Mike and the others realized they were laying in the leftover snacks from earlier. Scratchensniff and Nurse pulled Mike out of a mound of french fries and chips.

"Mike I just vanted to say that I don't mind doing shorts with the Warners, I actually enjoyed this..." Scratchensniff confessed.

"Oh, good" Mike wobbled, still dazed from the fall.

"I do too, but can you please promise us this?" Nurse asked.

"What?"

"No more chase shorts!" Both said in unison.

"Sure..." Mike simply flopped down on the ground. Ralph and the Warners sat on top of a mound of candy. Wakko and Dot munched on both ends of a 2-foot long hot dog. Yakko bit out of a lollipop and chocolate bar fused together.

"With great hardships come great rewards." Ralph recited with his mouth full of popcorn.

"Another fortune saying Ralphie?" Yakko asked. Ralph swallowed.

"Nope, just the truth"

Piano Rag debuted just a few months later that September. The short turned out to be on the show's best ones so far. Everyone back at the studio was impressed, even Mr. Plotz. While he was peeved to know that theater had to be shut down for repairs, repairs he would have to help cover, he was pleased to know the short was of quality work. The Warners had proven that they were ready to perform outside the studio. Despite the pandemonium, Mike was pleased with how everything turned out and was willing to participate in more future projects. Everything seemed to work out fine for everyone. Of course, now Scratchensniff was getting fan letters asking when he was going propose to Nurse already.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed reading this! A few things I should mention. While writing this, I actually bother to look up the term such as scherzo, and andante just to find out what those words were. This is what I do for you folks. Another thing I found was that in the actual episode, it turns out that the piano soundtrack was recorded by Steve Bernstein, after the animation had been completed, making it a bigger challenge. I should have a new piece of writing up very soon. But until then... Thank for sticking around to read! Oh yeah, one more thing...
> 
> It turns out Franz Schubert was actually a real guy, who knew?!


End file.
